On Pet Loss... Pet loss can be a very difficult subject. For some people, being able to even identify how you feel is the place to start. For some, expressing your feelings to others is the starting point. Even beyond this point the shock of being able to both identify & express your feelings, only to find lack of receptivity from others (permission to feel this way) becomes the sticking point as some people still respond with things like “It’s just an animal,” or something similar that you know means they do not understand the significance of that special bond. It is however, most important to be honest with yourself as this will help guide you through the stages of grief in your own special way. Knowing that the health problems of your beloved pet may have less than optimal outcomes, and especially when things happen suddenly, finding someone you feel comfortable talking to about your feelings may be a challenge because it may be still not be recognized that our pets can be considered as family members. Also, when you entrust your feelings to others who cannot respond with empathy for the depth of your connection and loss, can also complicate your grief further. And on knowing how to make the decision of when to euthanize, obviously working with a trusted vet & your own honest observations and feelings, that decision will be individual from animal to animal. Some pets will surpass all odds with heroic measures defining who they are; others are more timid, may feel pain and fear more easily and could suffer more through some procedures. This decision should be about quality of life for them. It is important for you too not to not put your own feelings of impending loss ahead of those of the ones you love as this can also complicate your grief afterwards. Knowing you did everything you could to give them the best quality of life, and make the decision to let go at the right time will, eventually, if not sooner give you some much needed comfort. And while you may do this many times over your own lifetime, either through owning multiple pets at the same time, or successively, give honest thought to whether you choose to be at their side or not. While it can be comforting for some to spend that one last time together and see their pet pass peacefully, outbursts while also natural, would most likely just upset your pet. Be kind to yourself if you are not yet ready to take this step. So how does one deal with both the possible hard choices that may need to be made, and the grief (and sometimes guilt) we feel with having to be the one to make them? There are things you can do to help yourself through it, whether you experience lack of support from your mate, family, co-workers, or especially for those who feel they have no other support but that pet, please consider trying any of the following suggestions to help. * do not bottle up your feelings: repression of one’s true feelings at any time is not healthy. While it is important for you to feel “safe” to do so, more important is that you do it. If necessary, try journalling, positive self talk or even talking to the passed pet. For those new to this, the basic stages of grief include: shock, denial, anger, bargaining (previous to loss) depression and acceptance. They can be different for each person, can occur in different order, and even be repeated. * seek out animal grief therapy; many communities provide this service for free. It is beyond the scope of this article to provide that information for everyone, but please do not skip this step without trying to locate them. Try calling your library, local funeral homes, vets, and veterinary colleges. There are many online resources for those who have access; libraries provide both books & free computer time, as well as any help you may need to get this information, or even 800 phone numbers. * have a professional pet portrait done; art is different from photographs, but be sure to ask the artist if they guarantee their work so there are no surprises at this vulnerable time. This could also give you the option to use your (separate) favourite photographs of yourself & your pet, which can be put together in the same forever portrait...a very special tribute indeed. * make a memorial photo album, write a story or even a poem about your time together (children can participate in choosing pictures, & write their own story with drawings) please note that while it is recommended that you do allow children to ask questions and express their own feelings, it is just as important that you know their developmental stages of understanding in order to answer them appropriately. * keep a lock of hair, paw print, collar and/or tags, or even baby teeth in a special box or display case. * enlarge or just frame your favourite photo to display at home, work or both.
If you have been through this previously, and are able to support others who are going through it be it privately or publicly, together we can help change attitudes one person at a time, although supporting someone in front of other people will help exponentially. Helping others can also play a role in helping us process our own grief, proven now in many studies about how being compassionate to others is also beneficial to our own health.
There is another kind of pet "loss" not commonly talked about, which involves the sorrow of having to re-home a beloved animal. To be sure, it is different from the death of a pet, but depending on the perspective of the person needing to re-home it can be painful, or happy or both. The best interests of the animal should be the focus, with any re-homing fee secondary, if at all. Instead ask yourself, is the potential new owner experienced? (in breed or years) Compassionate? Kind in communicating with you? Do they have the knowledge to integrate the newcomer properly? Are they open to requests for occasional pictures in their new home should that be something you would like? In giving some thought to whether getting pictures & updates would help you, be mindful to not be invasive. Once a decision is made to give the animal what it needs, knowing you made the right decision with the right adoptive parent should be comforting, with the possible benefit of also having made a new friend. A loving balance is usually the best choice for all involved and knowing you chose the right person, not how much money you have recouped from the placement is the goal. If you are the adoptive parent, it goes without saying to do your homework about the breed, how old it is & how long has the owner had the animal, (you would be surprised how many animals get passed on more than once) and do they have/will they provide all previous vet paperwork? History can be life saving when it comes to diseases. Be properly prepared for what you may need to take over as caretaker by asking the right questions for both your own & the animal's unique situations.
Even as science confirms ongoing research into how our pets can directly affect our health positively, most of us are aware that simply stroking a pet can reduce blood pressure, simply owning a pet can add years to our lives, and then there are the many different & growing areas animals assist us with; cancer detection, seeing for us, predicting seizures, reducing anxiety, protection, …..not to mention horse therapy for troubled teens, prisoners paired with dogs to be trained to help others, dolphins with autistics, the list is endless with some being so new it may be considered anecdotal. Finally, I have personally loved so many different kinds of animals over the years, some wild, some not furry, which is why I am referring to all here as “animals.” And having done so many portraits of both living and passed beloved pets of others, it has come to my attention that animal lovers fall into two basic camps; those who say they could “never have another pet again” and those who will, at a time that is right for them, continue to own and love other pets. I fall into the latter group and firmly believe the best tribute you can give any animal you have loved, is to give another animal that same love. It is healing for all. PORTRAITS YOU’LL RECOGNIZE GUARANTEED!,